Tolerance?

I am completely intolerant of intolerant people. Those who choose to label, divide and further classify and segregate their fellow human beings should be put into penal colonies- see how they like that classification! The level playing field is firmly established and the government, slowly but surely, is catching up to the teachings of non-violence passed down to us.

Further.

I do not tolerate zombies!  The living dead are sub-human. I hold this truth to be self-evident: zombies are to be denied employment, broad-based health care and, even more controverisally, housing. They are not on our level and should be destroyed en masse as quickly as possible.

Let’s be clear.

No zombie is to be allowed to adopt from the humane society- regardless of the no-kill policies of that local shelter. No zombie should be permitted in the grocery- shirt, shoes… you’re still a zombie. Get out.

Shotguns shall be distributed to all non-zombies post haste once the poll has closed.

Please check to be sure your neighbor is NOT a zombie before loaning out your shotgun. All humans will have valid permits to carry guns and should produce them upon request. Failure to produce a vallid gun permit does not automatically mean the subject in question is a zombie. Further testing procedures will be made available on a zombie-free website later this month.

Avert your eyes.

Direct eye contact with a zombie WILL place you under the death curse for 8-10 seconds. This will immobilize you and render you helpless for the duration. Take calculated risks when making eye contact- bearing in mind the death stare and accounting for the amount of ground an average zombie can cover in, at the outside, 10 seconds.

That is all.

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