New Year Declarations

In observance of the New Year tradition, I submit the following declarations. After two weeks of deliberation and in leiu of half-hearted resolutions, I hereby declare that:

#1. As the opportunity presents itself, I will enthusiatically “punch it forward.”

#2. I will denounce terrible ideas by pronouncing them “the worst thing since sliced bread.” in as crushing a tone as i can manage.

#3. I will avoid the use of mantyhose as the worst thing since sliced bread.*

#4. I will do less research and rely more on my instincts when it comes to critical thinking and analysis.

#5. I will, as the opportunity conveniently presents itself, get up early and excercise once in a while.

#6. I will give fair conversational warning re: Don’t get me started on the evils of sliced bread.

#7. Well, first off, when you break the crusty seal, all the healthogens leak out- much like the calories on pies with scored top crusts…

#8. I will demand more from the people who run my life.

#9. *Unless, as i suspect, i look great in them- then I’m all in.

(HT: Al Gore- we all know why.)

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2 Comments on “New Year Declarations”

  1. cara says:

    I think “punching it forward” has a chance to go viral.


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