New Year DeclarationsPosted: January 13, 2009
In observance of the New Year tradition, I submit the following declarations. After two weeks of deliberation and in leiu of half-hearted resolutions, I hereby declare that:
#1. As the opportunity presents itself, I will enthusiatically “punch it forward.”
#2. I will denounce terrible ideas by pronouncing them “the worst thing since sliced bread.” in as crushing a tone as i can manage.
#3. I will avoid the use of mantyhose as the worst thing since sliced bread.*
#4. I will do less research and rely more on my instincts when it comes to critical thinking and analysis.
#5. I will, as the opportunity conveniently presents itself, get up early and excercise once in a while.
#6. I will give fair conversational warning re: Don’t get me started on the evils of sliced bread.
#7. Well, first off, when you break the crusty seal, all the healthogens leak out- much like the calories on pies with scored top crusts…
#8. I will demand more from the people who run my life.
#9. *Unless, as i suspect, i look great in them- then I’m all in.
(HT: Al Gore- we all know why.)